George W. Bush Resume
Past work experience:
* Ran for congress and lost.
* Produced a Hollywood slasher B movie.
* Bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas,
company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock.
* Bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that
took land using tax-payer money. Biggest move: Traded Sammy Sosa to
the Chicago White Sox.
* With fathers help (and his name) was elected Governor of Texas.
* Accomplishments: Changed pollution laws for power and oil
companies and made Texas the most polluted state in the Union.
Replaced Los Angeles with Houston as the most smog ridden city in
America. Cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas government to the tune of
billions in borrowed money. Set record for most executions by any
Governor in American history.
* Became president after losing the popular vote by over 500,000
votes, with the help of my fathers appointments to the Supreme Court.
Accomplishments as president:
* Attacked and took over two countries.
* Spent the surplus and bankrupted the treasury.
* Shattered record for biggest annual deficit in history.
* Set economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any
12 month period.
* Set all-time record for biggest drop in the history of the stock
market.
* First president in decades to execute a federal prisoner.
* First president in US history to enter office with a criminal
record.
* First year in office set the all-time record for most days on
vacation by any president in US history.
* After taking the entire month of August off for vacation,
presided over the worst security failure in US history.
* Set the record for most campaign fund-raising trips than any
other president in US history.
* In my first two years in office over 2 million Americans lost
their job.
* Cut unemployment benefits for more out of work Americans than
any president in US history.
* Set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12 month period.
* Appointed more convicted criminals to administration positions
than any president in US history.
* Set the record for the least amount of press conferences than
any president since the advent of television.
* Signed more laws and executive orders amending the Constitution
than any president in US history.
* Presided over the biggest energy crises in US history and
refused to intervene when corruption was revealed.
* Presided over the highest gasoline prices in US history and
refused to use the national reserves as past presidents have.
* Cut healthcare benefits for war veterans.
* Set the all-time record for most people worldwide to
simultaneously take to the streets to protest me (15 million people),
shattering the record for protest against any person in the history of
mankind. (http://www.hyperreal.org/~dana/marches/)
* Dissolved more international treaties than any president in US
history.
* My presidency is the most secretive and un-accountable of any in
US history.
* Members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in
US history. (the 'poorest' multi-millionaire, Condoleeza Rice has an
Chevron oil tanker named after her).
* First president in US history to have all 50 states of the Union
simultaneously go bankrupt.
* Presided over the biggest corporate stock market fraud of any
market in any country in the history of the world.
* First president in US history to order a US attack and military
occupation of a sovereign nation.
* Created the largest government department bureaucracy in the
history of the United States.
* Set the all-time record for biggest annual budget spending
increases, more than any president in US history.
* First president in US history to have the United Nations remove
the US from the human rights commission.
* First president in US history to have the United Nations remove
the US from the elections monitoring board.
* Removed more checks and balances, and have the least amount of
congressional oversight than any presidential administration in US
history.
* Rendered the entire United Nations irrelevant.
* Withdrew from the World Court of Law.
* Refused to allow inspectors access to US prisoners of war and by
default no longer abide by the Geneva Conventions.
* First president in US history to refuse United Nations election
inspectors (during the 2002 US elections).
* All-time US (and world) record holder for most corporate
campaign donations.
* My biggest life-time campaign contributor presided over one of
the largest corporate bankruptcy frauds in world history (Kenneth Lay,
former CEO of Enron Corporation).
* Spent more money on polls and focus groups than any president in
US history.
* First president in US history to unilaterally attack a sovereign
nation against the will of the United Nations and the world community.
* First president to run and hide when the US came under attack
(and then lied saying the enemy had the code to Air Force 1)
* First US president to establish a secret shadow government.
* Took the biggest world sympathy for the US after 911, and in
less than a year made the US the most resented country in the world
(possibly the biggest diplomatic failure in US and world history).
* With a policy of 'dis-engagement' created the most hostile
Israeli-Palestine relations in at least 30 years.
* First US president in history to have a majority of the people
of Europe (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world
peace and stability.
* First US president in history to have the people of South Korea
more threatened by the US than their immediate neighbor, North Korea.
* Changed US policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded
government contracts.
* Set all-time record for number of administration appointees who
violated US law by not selling huge investments in corporations
bidding for government contracts.
* Failed to fulfill my pledge to get Osama Bin Laden 'dead or alive'.
* Failed to capture the anthrax killer who tried to murder the
leaders of our country at the United States Capitol building. After 18
months I have no leads and zero suspects.
* In the 18 months following the 911 attacks I have successfully
prevented any public investigation into the biggest security failure
in the history of the United States.
* Removed more freedoms and civil liberties for Americans than any
other president in US history.
* In a little over two years created the most divided country in
decades, possibly the most divided the US has ever been since the
civil war.
* Entered office with the strongest economy in US history and in
less than two years turned every single economic category heading
straight down.
Records and References:
* At least one conviction for drunk driving in Maine (Texas
driving record has been erased and is not available).
* AWOL from National Guard and Deserted the military during a time
of war.
* Refused to take drug test or even answer any questions about
drug use.
* All records of my tenure as governor of Texas have been spirited
away to my fathers library, sealed in secrecy and un-available for
public view.
* All records of any SEC investigations into my insider trading or
bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and un-available for public view.
* All minutes of meetings for any public corporation I served on
the board are sealed in secrecy and un-available for public view.
* Any records or minutes from meetings I (or my VP) attended
regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and un-available
for public review.
* For personal references please speak to my daddy or uncle James
Baker (They can be reached at their offices of the Carlyle Group for
war-profiteering.)